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FIC: How It Didn't End (FFVII: Advent Children. Loz, PG-13)
SUMMARY: Loz tries to remember. Fluff at heart, despite the warnings!
WARNINGS: Violence, incest.
It’s very dark and still here, and Loz is unhappy. He remembers clearly - in more detail than he would like - his last days in the laboratory, when the power failed and the men left and he was alone in his room, alone for days, cold and hungry and ramming his shoulder into each wall in turn, waiting for one of them to give. Then the steel door had slid open noiselessly, and Kadaj had stood behind it, waiting to take him away, to find their other brother, to escape. On the way he’d explained to Loz how he’d shut down the power and made the men leave, and he’d sounded so proud that Loz didn’t like to mention how miserable he’d been.
Kadaj… something has happened to Kadaj. Loz’s head feels heavy and dull, like he’s been drinking rough spirits, and maybe that’s why he can’t sense the sparks of his brothers’ life-forces at the edge of his consciousness any more. He tries hard to concentrate, to remember exactly what happened to them.
“Mother!” Kadaj cried, and though he tried to sound triumphant there was a note of pleading in his voice. Through the opening of the ShinRa canister, there came a momentary soft gleam, seemingly in response. Kadaj gazed at the thing, and as he did he began to smile, and then to laugh. He flipped open the lid and plunged both hands into it, and the warm light from the canister flowed up his arms and embraced him, sinking into him, until his whole skin was suffused with its glow, and the Geostigma markings melted away under its power.
From a distance, Loz and Yazoo watched, hypnotised, as their half-brother the traitor fought and died. When it was over, Kadaj yanked his blade free from the bleeding remains of Cloud Strife, raised his gaze to them, and smiled. He came towards them slowly, and his eyes were the colour of molten gold, with only flecks of the Mako-green still swimming in them.
“My brothers,” he smiled, “Mother has made me whole. Now I can do the same for you.” He opened his arms, and though Loz was scared, still he ran to him. Yazoo was quicker, and Kadaj wrapped one arm around his brother’s slim shoulders, and spread his other hand flat against Yazoo’s chest, and kissed him deeply and lingeringly. As he did, the light spread out from his lips, from his fingertips, and crept across Yazoo’s pale skin, until he too was flushed and glowing. Then both of them turned on Loz and caught him up, Yazoo embracing him from behind and nibbling his neck while Kadaj leaned forward to kiss him and his mouth flooded with heat...
No.
No; that had been what Kadaj had told them was going to happen, what he’d whispered to them in the long nights as they lay entangled, never quite sure where one ended and another began. But that couldn’t have happened, because they’d promised that when it did they’d never be separated, and his brothers aren’t here. And if they aren’t here, they’re somewhere else, and maybe they need him. Focus, he thinks fiercely. Remember.
“Mother!” Kadaj cried, and though they were miles away Loz and Yazoo heard it, felt the despair in it as their own. They raced through the city towards its source, but Kadaj’s life energy felt strangely altered and it took them a long time to track him down.
At last they found the battle raging among the rooftops, a confusing blur of movement and sunflashes, reflecting off more blades than should have been possible; or perhaps two blades, moving more quickly than should have been possible. From time to time they saw a glimpse of a shape, but though Loz thought he recognised them, the shape that should have been Kadaj seemed alien and familiar at once, and something cold and heavy settled in Loz’s gut at the sight of it. They started to climb at once, but gained the upper levels too late; only in time to find Cloud holding the limp remains of their brother, until even they melted away.
Yazoo raised his gun, cold fury flashing in his eyes. But Loz caught him by the wrist and would not let him move. There was something in Cloud’s posture, in his bowed head and drooping shoulders – something he recognised.
“He feels as we do.” Loz’s voice was quiet, but so firm that Yazoo glanced up at him, startled. “He also has lost a brother, just as we did. We cannot fight him now.”
“We can,” Yazoo hissed. “He owes us.”
“Yes,” said Loz simply. “He owes us. We can still be three.”
Yazoo’s eyes went wide for a minute, and then he smiled; a special smile of his that promised pain and pleasure both. They advanced on Cloud, and Loz went behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and Yazoo crouched in front of him, and though Cloud went stiff he didn’t try to run.
“We mourn with you,” Loz whispered, “Brother.”
“Come back with us,” Yazoo said. His hands began to roam, down Cloud’s arms, across his chest.
“Play with us,” Loz added, his smile pressed against the edge of Cloud’s neck, and Cloud’s head fell back against his shoulder, and his arms came up to clasp behind Loz’s head.
No, that was wrong too. Cloud might be their brother, in part, but he isn’t like them, could never have replaced Kadaj. And he isn’t here either, although Loz thought he heard his voice, just for a second. He must have been wrong; he can’t concentrate at all - it feels as if the edges of his mind are pulling apart. Pulling apart? Wait; wait....
“Mother?” Kadaj whispered, looking upward. He cocked his head for a second, listening, although Cloud was simply staring down at him in silence.
Loz felt as if his whole body was trying to pull itself to pieces, and Yazoo looked no better; the explosion had hit them both hard. But Kadaj would know what to do. He lurched forward, wanting to go to him, but Yazoo restrained him with an arm against his chest. Loz couldn’t quite catch the last words Kadaj breathed before he reached out towards the sky, and in a moment that made Loz’s body ache with a kind of sympathy, disintegrated in a burst of swirling lights. But he saw the look of peace on his brother’s face, and wondered at it; wondered too at the sudden, defeated slump of Cloud’s shoulders. Before he had time to think about it, Yazoo had put a bullet through Cloud’s back.
“Return with us,” Yazoo said, his meaning clear; he didn’t think any of them would leave this place alive. That knowledge gave Loz a strange, hollow feeling he didn’t understand, so he tried the thing that usually sent such feelings away.
“Play with us,” he said, stretching his hand toward Cloud, longing for the coming fight, and the materia blazed in his arm until he shook with containing so much power, and as Cloud charged towards them the power was released and in one mind-blanking moment of pain, the world turned black.
It’s getting lighter now, though. Loz blinks and turns his head slowly as his surroundings come into focus. He’s in a field of tall grass, and the sky above him is white, and there’s a young woman watching him. She’s smiling, amused but not derisive.
“You’re here,” she says, “Well done. The other should follow shortly. He’s waiting for you,” she says, gesturing as she does so to a slight, pale figure whom Loz recognises with incredulous joy as Kadaj. He wants to run to him, but he’s still confused, so he looks back at the girl.
A tall dark-haired young man has placed a hand on her shoulder, and is whispering something in her ear. Some distance behind them is another figure, something familiar, something alien, something that makes Loz’s gut turn cold. The tall, imperious stranger sweeps Loz with disdainful eyes, and turns away, his long silver hair swirling around him like an aura. The girl catches the direction of his gaze, and smiles.
“Don’t worry about him,” she says. “He never was sociable at the best of times, and he’s had a disappointment. We’re waiting for one more, but he’s not ready to join us yet.” Her eyes are sad for a moment, but the mood passes. “You can go, though. Zack tells me your other brother is here.” And Loz turns again, and Yazoo is waiting with Kadaj, and this time he does run to them, though he still doesn’t understand.
Kadaj’s face is somehow changed; Loz finally decides that he looks younger, but also more decided, more certain than ever before. Yazoo, too, looks calmer, without his undercurrent of restlessness, truly still for the first time Loz can remember. They embrace, and he finds the field is beginning to fade from view, and he doesn’t care.
“We’re free now,” Kadaj is whispering to him. “The three of us, we’re whole together.”
And that makes perfect sense to Loz, and he’s ready for whatever lies in the whiteness surrounding them.
WARNINGS: Violence, incest.
It’s very dark and still here, and Loz is unhappy. He remembers clearly - in more detail than he would like - his last days in the laboratory, when the power failed and the men left and he was alone in his room, alone for days, cold and hungry and ramming his shoulder into each wall in turn, waiting for one of them to give. Then the steel door had slid open noiselessly, and Kadaj had stood behind it, waiting to take him away, to find their other brother, to escape. On the way he’d explained to Loz how he’d shut down the power and made the men leave, and he’d sounded so proud that Loz didn’t like to mention how miserable he’d been.
Kadaj… something has happened to Kadaj. Loz’s head feels heavy and dull, like he’s been drinking rough spirits, and maybe that’s why he can’t sense the sparks of his brothers’ life-forces at the edge of his consciousness any more. He tries hard to concentrate, to remember exactly what happened to them.
“Mother!” Kadaj cried, and though he tried to sound triumphant there was a note of pleading in his voice. Through the opening of the ShinRa canister, there came a momentary soft gleam, seemingly in response. Kadaj gazed at the thing, and as he did he began to smile, and then to laugh. He flipped open the lid and plunged both hands into it, and the warm light from the canister flowed up his arms and embraced him, sinking into him, until his whole skin was suffused with its glow, and the Geostigma markings melted away under its power.
From a distance, Loz and Yazoo watched, hypnotised, as their half-brother the traitor fought and died. When it was over, Kadaj yanked his blade free from the bleeding remains of Cloud Strife, raised his gaze to them, and smiled. He came towards them slowly, and his eyes were the colour of molten gold, with only flecks of the Mako-green still swimming in them.
“My brothers,” he smiled, “Mother has made me whole. Now I can do the same for you.” He opened his arms, and though Loz was scared, still he ran to him. Yazoo was quicker, and Kadaj wrapped one arm around his brother’s slim shoulders, and spread his other hand flat against Yazoo’s chest, and kissed him deeply and lingeringly. As he did, the light spread out from his lips, from his fingertips, and crept across Yazoo’s pale skin, until he too was flushed and glowing. Then both of them turned on Loz and caught him up, Yazoo embracing him from behind and nibbling his neck while Kadaj leaned forward to kiss him and his mouth flooded with heat...
No.
No; that had been what Kadaj had told them was going to happen, what he’d whispered to them in the long nights as they lay entangled, never quite sure where one ended and another began. But that couldn’t have happened, because they’d promised that when it did they’d never be separated, and his brothers aren’t here. And if they aren’t here, they’re somewhere else, and maybe they need him. Focus, he thinks fiercely. Remember.
“Mother!” Kadaj cried, and though they were miles away Loz and Yazoo heard it, felt the despair in it as their own. They raced through the city towards its source, but Kadaj’s life energy felt strangely altered and it took them a long time to track him down.
At last they found the battle raging among the rooftops, a confusing blur of movement and sunflashes, reflecting off more blades than should have been possible; or perhaps two blades, moving more quickly than should have been possible. From time to time they saw a glimpse of a shape, but though Loz thought he recognised them, the shape that should have been Kadaj seemed alien and familiar at once, and something cold and heavy settled in Loz’s gut at the sight of it. They started to climb at once, but gained the upper levels too late; only in time to find Cloud holding the limp remains of their brother, until even they melted away.
Yazoo raised his gun, cold fury flashing in his eyes. But Loz caught him by the wrist and would not let him move. There was something in Cloud’s posture, in his bowed head and drooping shoulders – something he recognised.
“He feels as we do.” Loz’s voice was quiet, but so firm that Yazoo glanced up at him, startled. “He also has lost a brother, just as we did. We cannot fight him now.”
“We can,” Yazoo hissed. “He owes us.”
“Yes,” said Loz simply. “He owes us. We can still be three.”
Yazoo’s eyes went wide for a minute, and then he smiled; a special smile of his that promised pain and pleasure both. They advanced on Cloud, and Loz went behind him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and Yazoo crouched in front of him, and though Cloud went stiff he didn’t try to run.
“We mourn with you,” Loz whispered, “Brother.”
“Come back with us,” Yazoo said. His hands began to roam, down Cloud’s arms, across his chest.
“Play with us,” Loz added, his smile pressed against the edge of Cloud’s neck, and Cloud’s head fell back against his shoulder, and his arms came up to clasp behind Loz’s head.
No, that was wrong too. Cloud might be their brother, in part, but he isn’t like them, could never have replaced Kadaj. And he isn’t here either, although Loz thought he heard his voice, just for a second. He must have been wrong; he can’t concentrate at all - it feels as if the edges of his mind are pulling apart. Pulling apart? Wait; wait....
“Mother?” Kadaj whispered, looking upward. He cocked his head for a second, listening, although Cloud was simply staring down at him in silence.
Loz felt as if his whole body was trying to pull itself to pieces, and Yazoo looked no better; the explosion had hit them both hard. But Kadaj would know what to do. He lurched forward, wanting to go to him, but Yazoo restrained him with an arm against his chest. Loz couldn’t quite catch the last words Kadaj breathed before he reached out towards the sky, and in a moment that made Loz’s body ache with a kind of sympathy, disintegrated in a burst of swirling lights. But he saw the look of peace on his brother’s face, and wondered at it; wondered too at the sudden, defeated slump of Cloud’s shoulders. Before he had time to think about it, Yazoo had put a bullet through Cloud’s back.
“Return with us,” Yazoo said, his meaning clear; he didn’t think any of them would leave this place alive. That knowledge gave Loz a strange, hollow feeling he didn’t understand, so he tried the thing that usually sent such feelings away.
“Play with us,” he said, stretching his hand toward Cloud, longing for the coming fight, and the materia blazed in his arm until he shook with containing so much power, and as Cloud charged towards them the power was released and in one mind-blanking moment of pain, the world turned black.
It’s getting lighter now, though. Loz blinks and turns his head slowly as his surroundings come into focus. He’s in a field of tall grass, and the sky above him is white, and there’s a young woman watching him. She’s smiling, amused but not derisive.
“You’re here,” she says, “Well done. The other should follow shortly. He’s waiting for you,” she says, gesturing as she does so to a slight, pale figure whom Loz recognises with incredulous joy as Kadaj. He wants to run to him, but he’s still confused, so he looks back at the girl.
A tall dark-haired young man has placed a hand on her shoulder, and is whispering something in her ear. Some distance behind them is another figure, something familiar, something alien, something that makes Loz’s gut turn cold. The tall, imperious stranger sweeps Loz with disdainful eyes, and turns away, his long silver hair swirling around him like an aura. The girl catches the direction of his gaze, and smiles.
“Don’t worry about him,” she says. “He never was sociable at the best of times, and he’s had a disappointment. We’re waiting for one more, but he’s not ready to join us yet.” Her eyes are sad for a moment, but the mood passes. “You can go, though. Zack tells me your other brother is here.” And Loz turns again, and Yazoo is waiting with Kadaj, and this time he does run to them, though he still doesn’t understand.
Kadaj’s face is somehow changed; Loz finally decides that he looks younger, but also more decided, more certain than ever before. Yazoo, too, looks calmer, without his undercurrent of restlessness, truly still for the first time Loz can remember. They embrace, and he finds the field is beginning to fade from view, and he doesn’t care.
“We’re free now,” Kadaj is whispering to him. “The three of us, we’re whole together.”
And that makes perfect sense to Loz, and he’s ready for whatever lies in the whiteness surrounding them.